is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
