i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
