oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this beer tastes like vomit already
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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