you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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