In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
