That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
