I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
