Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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