apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
