fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
