discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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