I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
