He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
