Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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