We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize