Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize