If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
