You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
