Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
