Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
