who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
