so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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