It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
