Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
