his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love having hate sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The power of my boobs compel you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
