I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
