I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
