just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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