I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize