then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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