oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
