Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think my tv is drunk
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
