you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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