im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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