someone get that fucking seahorse.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
