porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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