i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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