remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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