I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
