So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
