I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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