I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
