I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
