I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
