btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
