Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
