Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
