who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
