i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
