i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
