So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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