She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
being pregnant is like rehab
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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