Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
