all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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