Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
