i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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