Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize