When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So vagazzling was a success
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
