At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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