"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As shirtless as possible
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize