No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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