Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
