we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
