Cold hands, warm shart.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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