Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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