First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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