You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
