Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
