Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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