Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize