I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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