A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
