and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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