yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
