i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
