sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
