Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
