we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
