This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
