I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am one with the molecules
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize