I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
