were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
