OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
