We won't sleep together?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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