and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
