so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
