I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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