my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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