i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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