No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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