Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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