Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
