The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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