May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
