Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize