Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
